A Few Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way

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1. Knowing my worth

I have FINALLY learned what it is like to love yourself and the meaning behind “you have to love yourself before anyone else will.” It isn’t someone’s job to tell you how precious you are to this world. Like OF COURSE, I love to hear it from other people and you should always tell people what they mean to you… but you have to know it yourself to accept who you are as a person.

2. With that, loving yourself makes it harder for you to allow people to treat you ways you shouldn’t be treated. 

The older I get, the less I want to allow people in my life who aren’t there to benefit me or my future. Your circle gets smaller and dates are harder to come by, but it’s so worth it.

3. There is no such thing as the total package.

Sure, there is going to be someone who is going to be everything you ever wanted, but they are going to come with flaws. You have to decide which flaws you’re willing to love and accept, as well as find someone who is going to love and accept your flaws.

4. Expectations will ruin your potential future.

This is one I am still working on. I always have certain expectations in my head for how things are going to work out and 100% of the time I am always wrong. So, if you learn to stop setting expectations and just allow God to carry out His plan, it will always benefit you and you’ll never leave disappointed.

5. Trying to change someone to make them “the One” will only waste time.

The “one” is out there! It shouldn’t be difficult. There will be difficult times of course, but it will never work out with people who just are the way they are. Some personality traits are just them; you can’t change that.

 

6. Age does not measure maturity.

The older you get, the more you will recognize this.

7. Exercise is good for your mental health just as much as your physical health.

Freshman-sophomore year I refused to work out. I was finally out of athletics and didn’t have anyone forcing me to go run three miles, but now it’s so nice to go for a little jog to clear your head. The better you look… the better you feel.

8. Accept compliments.

A compliment are sweet words freely given from another person; if you continue to fight with people and deny compliments they will slowly stop coming. This goes along with loving yourself. Someone likes something about you, accept it, and always remember it!

9. A positive mind truly creates a positive life.

“Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer is such a good book!!! Worth the purchase. My mentor, Rick Haasl, let me steal it from him and it has truly changed my life. It teaches you to free yourself from the negative thoughts you constantly battle with.

10. Along with that, surrounding yourself with positive people will create a positive life.

You’re only as good as the people you choose to surround yourself with.

11. Confidence is attractive.

Everyone has insecurities, but don’t let them affect your life or relationships with others. Work on them! Write down some of your strengths and THRIVE. While confidence is attractive, arrogance is not.

12. There’s a solution to every problem.

There really is! It may not be a solution that fixes the problem in a day or even a year, but there’s a solution. I always hate getting advice that is honest that I don’t truly want to hear, but they always end up being right.

13. Being happy is a choice.

Everyone has their days. I have days where I go into depression and think my life is miserable, but it’s not. It’s my choice to choose the way that I think. And some people really do battle depression on a daily basis, but when you start realizing what is so wonderful in life and the things that you have been blessed with, you can start to change that. Find things that make you happy and hold onto those things.

14. Don’t bottle things up.

Talking about your problems with someone you love or trust really does help. I learned this through my parents divorce, through breakups, or even just little problems. Talk about it! It makes you feel so much better.

15. Bad things happen to good people.

It’s life. Bad things happen to bad people too. But don’t dwell on the bad things, celebrate the good!

16. When people say negative things to you, it’s them projecting their insecurities onto you.

Don’t let it get to you.

17. Listening to Jesus tunes makes me feel better 100% of the time.

Sometimes I am not in the mood to just focus a read my bible or have quiet time, but going for a drive with KLOVE on, or just listening to some Christian music before going to bed always makes me feel better.

18. Find something you love to do and do it.

For me, I love blogging, journaling, making lists, and just planning my week out. I love playing with my dog, and hanging out with friends, being in the sun, and going on for runs. Do things that make you happy.

19. Honesty without tact is cruelty.

I watched a video of Kristen Bell saying all the things her therapist has told her and that was one things he said to her. Be mindful of others.

20. “Happy girls are pretty girls.” -Audrey Hepburn

They truly are. People who are happy and have a freeing spirit about themselves are people you want to surround yourself with and also become. People radiate towards people who are positive. Watch what you say to others. Be nice to people for no reason. Do things for other people for no reason. People always say “don’t cross oceans for those who wouldn’t jump a puddle for you,” but I say do it.

21. Let go of control.

It’s all in God’s plan.

22. Don’t relive and continue to to rethink past negative experiences.

This goes with “positive mind, positive life.” If you continue to dwell on the negatives, you’ll never appreciate the positives.

23. The grass is always greener.

Accept it and turn envy into action.

24. Stop letting the bad spoil the good.

That goes without saying.

 

There are so many other things I have learned the hard way, but realizing these in my life have really made a positive impact on my life. Everyone needs a little help sometimes, and I feel like I need it more than others sometimes, but I hope these help.

To my future 16 year old daughter:

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First of all, you do not need that much blush and eyeliner.

I will not let you leave the house looking the way that I did when I was first experimenting with makeup.

Thanks to technology, I still get to see those photos of me even when I thought I was forever free.

Anyways…

You’ll only have like maybe four or five really good friends from high school that are your friends for life. Some may actually be boys. And some you may not have said a word to in high school.

That girl that makes you feel insecure and makes you dread going to school will be irrelevant in two years.

She will go to a different college, make different friends, and you’ll never have to see or speak to her ever again.

You do not need to cry about not being invited to any events that contain people who do not care to see you succeed in life. High school girls are mean, and high school boys are stupid. You’ll figure it out.

You do not need to feel like you’re not pretty enough, popular enough, or rich enough to hang out with others. People will appreciate you for exactly who you are.

There will be many days when you think it couldn’t get any worse… but it does get worse. It also gets better. A lot better.

Oh, and you’re not going to marry the first boy that tells you he loves you. Or the second. Or the third.

You’ll think you understand what love is, but you don’t. You’ll eventually find out, but it’s not the guy that says all the right things and doesn’t show it with his actions.

My biggest regret was spending my high school years on a boy that I never talked to again after we broke up. I learned a lot from it, but I hope you don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t spend some of the best years of your life worrying about a boy, have fun and do high school things.

You’ll make mistakes; you’ll make a lot of mistakes. But, you’ll learn from them.

Your parents end up being right about everything.

That boy, that friend, whether its a good idea to go or not… they end up always being right.

Don’t waste these years on friends that don’t actually care about you and your well-being.

Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

Go to prom and dance your booty off.

Go to every football game and cheer as if it will still matter in two years.

Be involved.

Be friends with everyone, don’t exclude others.

You will go through some tragedies in high school, and some of them might involve classmates.

You will learn that everyone has something in their life that they don’t share with others. Treat others nicely.

When you graduate, you’ll learn a lot about your classmates by what they decide to do with their lives. They’re not being forced to go to things, be educated, or restricted from doing things. They’ll live their life as they wish, and so will you.

Now a lot of people say that high school is the best time of your life, and I disagree; college is.

You learn so much about yourself, and you get to surround yourself with people you actually want to be around.

You get to pursue your dream, and really do something with your life. You’re no longer going through the motions of high school… YOU’RE LIVING.

You’ll be awkward at first, but meeting people in college gets easier as it goes along.

You’ll meet your future bridesmaids.

Go to class. Study. Go to parties. Make friends. BE SMART THOUGH. Some people do act like they’re still in high school.

Go on a lot of dates, that doesn’t mean you’re marrying the guy. But, you’ll learn what you want in a guy and what you don’t want.

Times will get stressful, everything in life will seem like it sucks. That’s when you find out that it always gets better. You also find out who is really there for you.

Don’t hang out with selfish people, they’re toxic.

Don’t be a selfish person, you’ll never have true friends.

You’ll learn a lot about yourself and what type of person you want to be.

You’ll move away from your parents, and regret any of the time you didn’t fully appreciate their company and cooking skills.

I hope I’m as good as mother to you as mine was to me… she did all of the grown up things for me that I had yet (or refused) to learn.

And I hope my husband is as good as father to you as mine was to me… always sent me that extra money when my minimum wage paycheck wouldn’t feed me for two weeks.

Your family members are the only ones there for you through this process of growing up, so take advantage of the time spent with them and the wise words they offer.

Both of my parents were the greatest parents, as I hope I am to you. They taught me a lot about life, and the struggles that come along with it.

You’ll get through it, and it’ll get much better. I promise.

Love,

Your future Mom

Why I’ll wait

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There are many reasons why I’ll wait to give my heart to someone to love.

First off, I don’t want to give my heart to someone who is undeserving. Why give my fragile, feminine heart to someone who won’t fully appreciate it? I deserve to be looked after; I deserve to be cared for. I deserve to be thought of first.

There are so many men who claim they are ready to pursue someone’s heart, but fail to learn how to love someone. Immaturity, honestly. Not that they are immature as a person, they just have yet to prepare themselves to be committed or unselfish.

There are many times when I have tried to give my heart, time, and attention to a guy who was not ready. Either they have yet to figure out how to love themselves without requiring another person to tell them why they’re worthy of it, or they simply thought they were ready to fully care for someone, but weren’t or changed their mind.

Secondly, I have grown up with separated parents. When I was eight years old, my parents divorced. Although the divorce was definitely for the better, and created a stronger relationship between my brother and I, and our parents… it was hard.

Divorce happens, and I got to witness it firsthand. Sometimes there is no other option, but it’s difficult for everyone who is affected by it. My mom had to put a brave face on and act like nothing was wrong for the sake of my brother and I. My dad had to work his butt off to get to where he is today; he started from the bottom to get to where he is today.

I am beyond thankful that I went through a family crisis, it made me who I am today. It also taught me that divorce WILL NOT be an option when I get married.

My life was great. I was still raised by two loving parents who cared for my brother and I more than anything. I am happy with the person I am today; I have overcome many adversities in my life that have shaped me and my heart.

But no doubt, it sucked. I had to pack every weekend to go from house to house. We weren’t as wealthy as the other students in my school district which made it hard for me to understand why I couldn’t always do the things my classmates got to do. The divorce definitely humbled me, I think if it wouldn’t have happened then I would be more of a spoiled brat than I already am. At times I was also put in positions to choose between my father and my mother, and I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it feels to go through that. When we got to choose whether we wanted to spend a holiday with mom or dad, I honestly wanted to choose neither. I didn’t want one to even doubt for a second I loved the other more. You feel like they have a count going, which parent you prefer more… what you did for one, but not for the other. And when you have to listen to people (even your own family members) talk bad about people you love, it puts you in an uncomfortable position especially at a young age. I finally just tuned it out, I knew the divorce made people upset at one another… but it happened. It’s over.

So I pray my kids never have to go through that. I want them to know without a doubt the love their parents have for each other. I want my kids to get embarrassed when their parents show too much PDA. I want them to think of their parents when they hear the words “unconditional love.”

Trust is a big issue I have. Giving someone my trust is a hard thing for me to do, and at our age there’s not many guys I think I would trust in a relationship. I have witnessed many people in happy relationships (supposedly) do or say things that I’m sure their other half wouldn’t be too happy about. And I’m not saying all guys are untrustworthy,  I know many that are too! And girls vice versa. Of course at our age, it’s kind of a given. There’s so many temptations around us, and some just don’t know how to ignore them.

It’s also hard to find good men because we are looking for them in all the wrong places. I feel like the only chance I will get to meet my future spouse is at Chimy’s on a Friday night when they have some liquid courage to say something that catches my attention. Why can’t it just be easy? It seems like I make the first move for guys I’m interested in and it never works out, or guys actually get the guts to say something and it doesn’t work out. Why can’t I just meet a good lookin’ boy in class who will quote The Office with me, and that wants to have deeper conversations than just one worded texts with “what’s up” being the beginning of every conversation? That doesn’t happen anymore, not for our generation at least.

I’ve seen so many of my friends settle. I’ve seen my friends get treated like dirt because they think they can’t do better. FUN FACT: YOU CAN. It’s so hard watching people you love not get appreciated in the ways they deserve. But I’m one to talk… I’ve settled in relationships before, just because I was tired of being lonely. I thought someone was “the one” and I wasted valuable time on someone when I could be working on myself to prepare my heart to find THE ACTUAL ONE. I allowed someone into my heart that was undeserving. I pictured what my future husband would say to me, or how he would treat me, and I allowed someone to treat me differently. And that’s when I learned that it takes time. The worst part is waiting; the best part will be having someone that was worth the wait.

So yeah, I get upset that I have yet to find that person… it totally gets lonely, but I would rather be upset and impatient now than heartbroken in the future. That’s why I’ll wait.

Forgiven

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Y’all, I love the Lord with all my heart. He does not ever fail. He continuously forgives. I’m the first to say that I am a sinner and don’t live to be the perfect woman of God I am set out to be.

I am full of flaws and imperfections, and I’ll be the first to admit it.

But Jesus died on the cross for our sins to be forgiven.

So for all of my blog followers who do not know me personally or really all that well at all, I want you to know that though my relationship may seem strong and consistent with God through my blogs perspective, but it’s not. I want to get real with you so you know, I am not perfect and I KNOW I AM NOT. Blogging has always been a way for me to get my thoughts and feelings out to the world, it’s such a positive influence on me to continue to write and encourage others. While I am encouraging others, I want you all to know that I fail too. Hypocrisy at it’s finest. Trying to encourage others to continue to work on their relationship with God while sometimes I fail at doing the same thing. This is a time for me to be vulnerable.

There are some days when saying a prayer slips my mind completely.

I am insecure.

I lie.

I get envious.

My priorities are not always straight and I may make material or worldly things “godly.”

Sometimes I focus on how I look too much.

Sometimes I stress about things that are not worth stressing about.

Sometimes I focus on boys too much.

Sometimes I go out and have fun with my friends, and choose not to go to church on Sunday’s because I would rather sleep in.

Sometimes I talk to my friends or just keep my worries and struggles to myself instead of taking them straight to the Lord.

I will never be satisfied with the woman that I am, I will never stop working on myself.

I am a busy college student, as many of us are, and sometimes choose fun, work, boys, and school over my time with the Heavenly Father.

I am many things and do many things, but I am also a follower of Christ and that is the beauty of it all.

But that doesn’t mean I am failing or falling away from my relationship with Him. I may have days where I drift more than others, but I will always come back; most of the time even stronger.

I know a few people that are strong in their faith, but continue to put others down because they are living their lives differently. That’s not how God intended us to be. That pushes others away from Christ more than anything in my opinion.

He seeks me and wants me more and more everyday, as do I… even though some days I fail to show it.

Recently, I have just been overwhelmed with the hate due to the election, from the holidays or coming back to school/work. It hurts my heart to see one another so hateful to each other.

We all live our lives differently, Christian or not. With that said, we are all sinning so why are we judging others for how they choose to live? That is not our job. It’s not our job to try to fix things that we “think” are broken.

I fail at this as well, but it is a hateful thing to do to others as Christians.  Sometimes people may wander from God, but that does not mean they don’t know it already. And while it is our job as Christians to encourage each other to return our faith, it’s not our job to condemn one another. Being hateful, judgmental, and critical is not what we are here for.

I am guilty of this. I am judgmental and critical. I gossip. And although I really strive to be the nicest person I can possibly be to all, I can be hateful too. Ask my Mom for a primary source. WE ARE HUMAN. And it is forgiven. But it is the Lord’s job to do the condemning.

And while my life through my blog may seem like I “have it all together,” I can tell you firsthand that I am nowhere even close.

That doesn’t mean I am not striving for the perfect relationship with the Lord either. Social media has became such a big part of our lives that we forget what happens behind closed doors. I have witnessed this firsthand. I say this because social media is our main medium for putting others down. One of my favorite couples (who I considered to be “goals”) got a divorce last year. They seemed perfectly happy, with two young children. But not everything is as it seems. Sometimes someone is posting about how glorious and flawless their life is, but they could be going through things that no one knows about. And as for me, I may come off as someone who has their relationship with the Lord perfectly coming together in my blogs, but I fail every single day. And I know that. Just follow me on twitter and you’ll hear about my daily struggles and rants.

I use my blog as my journal, kind of as an motivator to continue to work on my relationship with the Lord. It reminds me that I set an example for others and need to continue to positively influence them, and not me telling the world that I have it all together… because I don’t.

In the Bible, there is a story about how a woman was caught in adultery. As they were about to stone her to death, Jesus began writing in the sand. He stands up replied “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone.” John 8:7. The crowd began to disperse one by one until there was no one left.

So while we may judge others for their sins, let’s reflect on our own sins. Are we living the life that God intended? Is my life gravitating people towards the Lord? Are we encouraging each other to be the best women and men of God? Maybe we aren’t. I know that I fail at times and maybe others can see through that, but I try my best. As I know we all do.

I had a conversation with a man at work one day who refused to go to church because he thought his sins were so great. He told me to my face that God hasn’t dealt with someone like him before. And people (even Christians) resented him for it. GOOD NEWS…. HE HAS DEALT WITH ALL OF US. ALL SINNERS. Every single one of us. We are all equal in the eyes of the Lord. And He is good, and He is accepting.; no matter who we are or what we have done. FOREVER.

“Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.”

While I may not constantly preach the Bible on every social media page I have, or while every word that comes out of my mouth may not be so Christ-like… I am a woman of God. I am forgiven.

Mom

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Mom, thank you for being the best mother any growing woman needs.

You were there for me through everything.

Every heartbreak, you were there to comfort me.

Every fight with a friend, you were there to help me fix it.

Every decision, you were there to help me make it.

Thank you for answering the phone when I call.

Thank you for cooking me breakfast when you know I had a rough day prior.

Thank you for doing all the “adulting” things that I have yet to figure out.

But most of all, thank you for never giving up on being the best mother you could possibly be.

I know it wasn’t easy.

I know I was hard to live with.

I know it was hard making decisions that I wouldn’t necessarily like.

I know it was hard telling me no.

I know it was hard fighting with me.

But thank you for living with me.

Thank you for making decisions that I would later thank you for.

Thank you for telling me no.

Thank you for fighting with me when I didn’t know I was in the wrong.

You’re the mother I strive to be like.

You’re the woman I strive to become.

Thank you for teaching me how to create my own happiness.

You taught me to stay focused on my relationship with the Heavenly Father, and to trust in His plans.

I pray you never ever doubt for a second that you have been a bad mother.

I only hope one day I can make homemade macaroni and spaghetti like you.

Thank you for teaching me that sarcasm is just a second love language.

I am slowly turning into a version of you… I hear your voice in my voice, your laugh in my laugh, and your attitude and sarcasm in my words.

Who knew that “omg I sound like my mother” could be such a comforting statement.

Thank you for giving me the absolute worst haircut you could give to a 3-year-old girl… it made for some funny pictures.

Thank you for always being that what seemed to be an “overbearing, overprotective, strict” parent.

I am now very thankful for that.

I have learned the value of independence because of you.

Even when you were in your darkest days, you never once let me see it.

You were strong.

You were selfless.

You were incredible.

I pray you know how hard it is now knowing that you only ever had my best interest at heart.

You taught me what an unconditional love really was.

Thank you for your often “I’m proud of you” texts.

Thank you for working your booty off to provide for me.

Thank you for showing me that there is joy and peace in loving yourself.

Thank you for supporting me in all I do, and helping me become the best woman of God I can be.

I love you, Momma.

‘Tis the season for engagements

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I want to start this blog by congratulating all the happy couples that got engaged this year! What an exciting time in your life. To be honest, I creep on your Instagram after every engagement and pray that I am invited to the wedding (even if I have no clue who you are). Weddings are my favorite; just watching love do its thing is so cool. So congratulations on finding “the One,” and I pray your house is filled with Jesus and love forever!

But, this post is not for you. It’s for us single ladies who secretly get discouraged every post we see. Y’all, I’m right there with you. I always pictured myself finding my soulmate in college and getting engaged before I graduated. And as the my graduation date comes nearer, I start to realize that God has different plans. But, every single day He shows me why His plan is far greater than what I can comprehend.

My parents have been there through every breakup, every tear shed over every guy who has hurt me, and every overreaction I have had due to a relationship. And every time my Dad says something like “Bailee, your time will come. And it will usually come when you least expect it.” But, HELLO. How am I supposed to patiently wait for my soulmate when I have dreamed of becoming a bride since before I could do simple multiplication? I had the bridal Barbie, watched every movie that pertained to weddings, and of course binge-watched “Say Yes to the Dress“. On top of that, it feels like I am surrounded by happy couples and Facebook reminders to insure I know that everyone is engaged except for me.

There have been times in my life when I have even started to wonder why His plan is the way that it is. I started to ask God what I was doing so wrong. Do I ask for too much? Am I just picky? Are my standard too high? What is so wrong with me? One night I was really feeling down as I was driving around Lubbock (probably just being overemotional), and turned on KLOVE to jam to some Jesus tunes. During a commercial break, the DJ read off the verse Ephesians 3:20-21 which reads “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that words in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever!” She went on about how we do not need to become discouraged, God will give you what you have asked for if you just stay patient. It was really an eye opener for me.

With that said, I may ask for a husband, but that doesn’t mean I’ll get one. While I catch myself thinking about my future with my future hubby, there is no promise that He will give me one. I may be single forever and while that scares the heckins out of me, I know my joy comes from the Lord. No man will ever take His place, nor be the only thing that will bring light to my life. My eyes are set on the Son, and if He thinks I should be single… so be it.

I also want to state how I tend to write out what my perfect man will possess. Even in my past blogs, I have written many things about what I want my husband to be like or act like. And to be honest, I have met many men who probably meet 98% of the criteria of the things that I “think” that I want. But man, it goes so beyond that. I may think I have a plan for my life, and I may think I have life all figured out, but God has a funny way of showing me that He is the one in control.

Y’all, His plan for us is beyond what we can even fathom. Everyone’s timeline is different. Patience has always been something I have struggled with until this year. We are young. We have all of our lives to find the earthly someone to whom our hearts belong! But while we wait for him, know that your cherished and feminine heart ultimately belongs to the Lord Almighty. It’s a lot easier to work on ourselves to become the women of God that our husbands are seeking than to continue to search everyday to find the man of God that is set out to cherish us forever.

I am not going to settle for someone just because I like to think that I am ready. I am not going to settle just because I become dismayed that everyone else is taking that “next step” in their life. I want that everlasting love that God has set out for me! While my plan may not be the exact same as His, I know He knows better.

I don’t want to ever go through a divorce. I never want to have to wonder if my marriage is still genuine and full of love. So while we all celebrate our friends and loved ones moving on with their lives, let’s embrace this time of ours and enjoy the process. Let’s be engaged into our lives right now and not worry about the future. Let’s trust the Lord in His planning and His timing. And let us pray to Him and rely on Him in the times we are not so sure of ourselves. Keep doin’ you.

 

 

 

FIRST SEMESTER AS A RED RAIDER… in the bag!

 

Wow y’all. What an amazing, unfailing, powerful God we have.

I wanted to start with that because my plans for this year were so much different than what God had planned for me. And as my plans began to take a weird turn and as I was starting to wander, God took hold of me and just showed me how great He is.

This semester flew by… and although I may not have thought that in my 3 hour lectures, I cannot believe it is already over.

This semester was definitely not just rainbows and butterflies either, but when you move to a new town, new college, with no one to really rely on, you really learn to rely on God and for that, I am thankful.

Your tire goes flat and your dad isn’t twenty minutes away to fix it… You are living on your last $5 in your account and you can’t go home and eat your Mom’s magic German sausage and macaroni and cheese… FOR FREE.

But, this semester has become one of the best semesters of college yet!

With that said, I figured out who I did have to rely on.

I had two roommates who at times I only got to see once a week due to our busy schedules, but always took the time to listen to how my week had gone. Thankful for them!

Blane Barnett, Bayler Boydston, and Bayler Andrews… where can I start with them? I spent every single night at their house, studying, watching movies, and just chilling all semester. Blane was usually making normally unnoticeable hilarious observations, Bayler Boydston was usually laughing hysterically at animal videos on twitter, and Bayler Andrews usually had his face in a textbook or wearing his skiis around the house. They are three of the most amazing human beings on this planet, and they can be pretty funny sometimes too. It became a habit being with them, if I didn’t see them once a day… it was odd. And if I didn’t come over like I usually did, I would get a “Where are you?” text. It also helped that they lived down the street and I knew the passcode to their house… so they kind of didn’t have a choice. Sorry for those few times I cried in front of y’all or wanted to talk about feelings, I know it sucks to be friends with an emotional girl. Who knew old high school boys could end up becoming your very best friends? 😉

Chloe Narrell and Jordan Cox… two girls that really took me in when they knew the transition of transferring to a new school was hard! I had some of the most fun times with you two this semester. So sad that Jordan is leaving, but I am so happy I made such a great new friend. Since high school graduation I hadn’t gotten to talk to Chloe much since we went separate ways, but BOY am I glad we ended up at the same place! What a blessing you two have been!

And how could I forget Lauren Hiner, Mady McLanahan, and Rachael Climer??? My very best friends at West Texas A&M stayed my very best friends when transferring to a school 2 hours away. I am blessed with friendships that are so true and so pure, three souls that genuinely care about others. Although I don’t get to see them or talk to them every day, I catch up with them and share my day with them as if I do. And you really learn to become grateful for times you do get to share with them!

I also am thankful with the transition of moving two hours away from my parents, I learned to be more independent and appreciative of my time spent with them. They have emotionally (and financially) supported me beyond measures. Couldn’t ask for two better caregivers.

Lubbock has really become a home to me, and although it was hard leaving the Amarillo/Canyon area, my goodness… I can’t wait to come home and share a bed with my dogs for a while, as well as watch football for a month straight. But I cannot wait to be back and do this all over again! I am sticking around for a while (or at least my Degree Plan say so). And plus, I want to stay and see a few more rough Red Raider football seasons.

God bless and WRECK ‘EM

 

One day, she is going to love big time

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One day, she is going to give her heart away to someone else.

And that day, her heart is going to be fully appreciated in a way it has never been before.

He is going to love her smile, how much she sleeps, and how many times a day she laughs at her own jokes.

He is going to be excited when she walks in the door, and just appreciate her presence.

Sure, she is going to be a pain in the butt, but he isn’t going to give up on her.

He is going to love her and only her; he may think other girls are beautiful… but not quite like his girl.

He is going to think about her all day, and see a future with her.

He is going to love how much she loves the Texas Tech Red Raiders and the Dallas Cowboys (sorry, I had to).

He is going to think her “growing teenage boy” appetite is cute.

He is going to reassure her about his feelings, and tell her how much she is loved.

He is going to talk about how proud he is to have her, thank God for her, and express his gratitude he has for her even when she is not around.

He is going to make promises AND keep them.

They are going to fight… probably a lot… but, they are going to have an unfathomable love for each other.

They are going to be proud of each other’s accomplishments, celebrate together, and even mourn together at times. Romans 12:15.

He is going to adore her, in ways she has never been adored before.

He is going to love her family, and want to introduce her to his.

He is going to pray for her, with her, and she will do the same.

He is going to tell her how much he loves her as well as show her.

He is going to love dogs. (Kinda irrelevant, but also very important.)

He is going to hold her when she is upset, and be there for her through the tough times.

He is going to make her want to become a better person.

She is going to give her heart to someone who will do anything to see her happy.

He is going to love her personality, and they are going to laugh together as best friends.

He is going to make her a priority.

He isn’t going to want to change her, he is going to accept the person that she is and they are going to grow together.

They are going to accomplish goals together, and independently.

And when she does give her heart away, she is going to love without doubt.

She is going to give her heart away fully, and trust that he is going to take care of it.

She is going to cherish him.

She is going to get over all those insecurities from the past.

She is going to finally understand God’s plan is greater, and while things happened the way that they did.

She is going to be ready to love someone the way God wants a woman to love a man.

She is going to forgive all of those who hurt her in the past.

She is not going to settle, she knows what she deserves and what she wants.

She is going to strive to be everything he wants and needs while staying true to herself and her morals.

Her heart is going to be the feminine, Christ-seeking precious heart that she has been searching for (but will continue to seek improvement).

She is finally going to get to let go of the fear of abandonment and lies that Satan has set in her heart.

She is going to appreciate her uniqueness; strive off her strengths and work on her weaknesses.

She is going to continue to accept that only God can satisfy her heart the way that it needs to be, but she is also going to finally realize that God created her the way that He did so that she could be loved the way that she is.

That boy is going to love her so deeply, and she is going to love him right back the way God intended it.

And until that day comes, she is going to be the strong woman God created and she is going to be a light to this world.

 

One of those days

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Do you ever just have one of those days where you feel like every little thing is going wrong? Your alarm clock doesn’t go off, you forgot homework was due, or you just CANNOT wing your eyeliner perfectly even if your life depended on it.

Today was one of those days for me. Every little thing was frustrating me, and I was focusing so much on all the had gone wrong that I was blinded by all the joy today.

Today, I got to talk to both of my parents on the phone. It was a good day.

The weather was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Perfect fall weather, and the leaves are slowly starting to change (finally!). It was a good day.

I got to see two of my best friends before noon, while one gave me the biggest hug knowing that my day was not going as I wanted it to. It was a good day.

A sweet girl texted me and told me she was praying for me, when I needed it most. It was a good day.

Right when I got to the bus stop, the bus driver closed the doors and I missed the bus. BUT, while waiting for the next bus, I caught up with an old friend from high school. It was a good day.

A stranger commented on one of my blogs and told me how inspiring it was. She said how she wanted to start changing her perspective on life and was going to share it with her daughters. I think that is so cool. It was a good day.

What I am trying to say is, a bad day only last 24 hours. And even in a bad day, there comes good with it. You have to remind yourself that you have so far survived 100% of the bad days that Satan has thrown at you in the past. YOU ARE WINNING BECAUSE GOD HAS WON.

Sometimes you need those bad days; it makes you appreciate the good ones. You have to remind yourself that some people would love to have your bad days. There is good in everyday, you can’t give up on hope that something good is coming. You also have to remind yourself that you are not the only one that has bad days. The fact that I got a text from someone saying they were praying for me was one of the sweetest gestures she could have done. Now when I know someone is having a bad day, I am going to text them and tell them I am praying for them. And when my best friend knew I was having an emotional breakdown and just hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay, I knew it was going to be.

While I am saying to not give up on the good that each day brings, some days I am an emotional wreck, AND IT IS OK. People have bad days, people cry. Some days we spend all our energy trying to keep it together when we don’t need to. Don’t swallow your tears or harden your heart, that is a costly way to live life! “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can endure and overcome it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13. Grief helps heal! Jesus stated that He himself was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” Isaiah 53:3. 

I read in the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge, to let the tears come! There is no emotion in the world that Jesus cannot handle.

So, while I pray that everyone had a good day, I know that some did not… like me. KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON. I am praying for you.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I promise there will be good in tomorrow!!

“It gets better.” Romans 8:18.

 

 

 

Finding my worth

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Dear Lord,

Thank you for showing me my worth.

Thank you for not letting me sit in my room and pout about not being everything someone else wanted.

Thank you for leading me to the higher road.

Thank you for putting me in a position to test my strength and challenge myself.

I know I deserve better, and I know I’m not going to settle until I find it.

Thank you for healing me.

I know You yearn for a relationship with me.

Thank you for showing me that You have a plan for my life; I do not need to take control.

Thank you for teaching me to draw near to You when my heart is aching,  and I am overflowing in self-doubt & condemning thoughts.

Thank you for teaching me that a feminine, Godly precious heart is something worth recovering.

Thank you for taking control of my fear of vulnerability.

Thank you for helping me let go of the feeling of being easily replaceable.

I am not her, and she is not me.

Thank you for taking over and teaching me to let go of the crippling fear & lie from Satan that my heart has been abandoned.

It is time for restoration, and my heart is ready.

Thank you for teaching me that I will never find true happiness without fully forgiving those who have wronged me. Matthew 5:44

And also, for teaching me to be happy for those who have wronged me.

“As a man thinks in his heart, so does he become.” Proverbs 23:7

Teach me to control my thoughts.

I have let go of the thoughts I have obsessed over for so long, I no longer want the enemy to take control of my mind.

Teach me to stop comparing myself to others, teach me to love my uniqueness, my strengths, and my weaknesses.

Teach me to strive off of my strengths & not my enemy’s weaknesses.

Thank you for showing me that there is a fairytale out there, and that I will be rewarded by my patience.

Thank you for wanting me and loving me, and helping me let go of the fact that I need a man to satisfy my heart.

Thank you for teaching me it’s better to love when I am ready, and not when I am lonely; for that will only bring heartbreak.

Human attention will only temporarily heal my heart, while You are the only one who will fix those insecurities & permanently mend the hurt.

Teach me to stop trying to find a place of wanting to be needed.

I want to become more like You; a beautiful woman of God.

Thank you for teaching me that “all things work for the good.” Romans 8:28

I can either choose to be irritable if things do not work out as planned, or I can accept the situation.

Teach me to fully accept Your Will.

Thank you for helping me not get discouraged with myself, You have begun good work in me.

Help me be gracious and accepting of Your plan.

“Trouble and distress have come upon me, but Your commands give me delight.” Psalm 119:43

Thank you for showing me that men can not treasure my heart like You, Lord.

I have let go of the bitterness that is set deep in my heart.

I know I deserve more, You have taught me that my heart is precious and worth being treasured. For You are not done with me yet, and there is so much joy I have to look forward to. Thank you, Jesus, my heart is Yours! Your love is forever.