The amount of times I have broken down crying this year is ridiculous. It’s just a weird time of my life, and I hate the fact that I don’t have a plan.
I have always been the type of person who has had a plan; my calendar and reminders are what keep me sane.
I will be graduating in May, which I was not expecting. I honestly thought I would at least be graduating a semester late since I changed my major so much, but here I am; graduating in less than a year with no clue where my life is headed.
This is the year I receive the “what are your plans after graduation?” question frequently. And I am going to have to answer with “you know, I have absolutely no clue.”
I even keep trying to come up with ways to stay in school, so my date to enter the real world can be further into the future when I don’t have to worry about it.
The more people ask me about my life, the more I stress. The more I worry about finding a job, a husband, a place to live, etc., the more doubts I have, the more fears I have.
I feel as if everyone is moving on with their life, and here I am. Still just going through the motions everyday, watching everybody do something around me while I stand still.
And that’s just me being selfish; as happy as I am to see people grow and God’s plans for their lives starting to unfold, I can’t help but be impatient.
I know I am not the only one feeling this way; as I turn to my friends for some words of encouragement and advice, I find they feel the same way. This time in our lives is just a time where we are finally about to find out what we are really made of. It’s time. We are about to start really “adulting,” even though we doubt how ready we are.
So I decided, this was my year to finally live fearlessly. I have prayed on it many times and I am finally starting to let go of the fact that I am not in control of my future.
God’s plan for me is far more extraordinary than I can even fathom. I literally have no clue where my life is headed. I have no hints either… but, I decided it was time to finally let go of all the doubts and fears that Satan has placed in my head.
I encourage everyone to purchase and read Joyce Meyer’s Battlefield of the Mind. It is such a good read; I read it in two days. Especially at this time in my life, I have just been allowing Satan to take over my happiness and my faith in God’s plan.
One of my favorite chapters of the book talks about how if you do not believe good things are going to happen to you, they won’t. You have to believe that there is good to come. I even find myself saying “I’m never going to find a job,” or “I am going to be single forever,” or “I’ll never find my place.” Satan continues to attack us with doubt and disbelief because he knows how dangerous we can be with a heart full of faith.
Why am I so fearful of what is to come? God has a plan, “a plan to prosper you and not harm you, to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.
Why am I so doubtful of my future? I can continue to make plans, but only the Lord’s plans will prevail. Proverbs 19:21.
Why am I so anxious? “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31.
The change of heart and the renewal of my mind have drastically changed the way I live my life. I KNOW I will graduate and get a job, and be a successful woman. I KNOW one day, I will find the love of my life if I patiently wait and trust His plan. I KNOW I will end up where I need to be, doing what I need to do, with whom I need to be with. I will continue to grow in this renewal and definitely struggle at times, but this upcoming year will be most challenging, and that’s why I want to live fearless in faith and in His plans.
“Lord, my heart is overwhelmed and worrisome. I know I am impatient and prone to worry. Help me rest in Your promises today. Renew my joy in this season of waiting so I do not miss Your presence. Defend me from the enemy who tells me there is no hope. Let your grace alone be enough for me. Cast out the doubt, teach me to not be a slave to negative emotions. Because of your grace and spirit, I can tell those emotions to be removed and to turn my eyes to things of You, instead. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”