Seeking my Identity

IMG_5178All my life I have struggled with my identity, as I know many girls do. My identity has always been defined through the approval of others and my abilities to perform. When that approval is not met, I am left disappointed and discouraged.

After reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, I discovered my love language is words of affirmation. Acceptance from others and words that people say to me have always been important to me; I keep every handwritten note, I screenshot every meaningful text, and write down every compliment that I have received.

My worth and how I see myself as a person has made a true (and at times, detrimental) impact on me throughout my life.

I’ve never had anything I found myself really GOOD at. I’ve always seen myself as just being average or an “alternate.”

I was good at sports, but not a star. I was smart, but not the top of my class. I have always felt useful, but not a necessity. I was just average at everything that I did, including my relationships with other people.

It has made me a humble person, almost to a fault. I look down on myself and find that those insecurities are how I chose to define myself.

I’ve never been able to accept a compliment without being completely awkward and then backfiring with an insult about myself.

To this day, I still search for greatness. I have yet to find my true calling and the place where I can confidently know I am going to succeed and excel. I contribute and do what I can, but find myself not necessarily being essential. Especially now trying to find a career, it’s been really difficult to find my place and somewhere that I excel. The busyness and requirements of reality have really kept me from spending time working on these insecurities and spending time with the TRUTH.

I compare myself to others; my successes and failures, my appearances, my abilities, my accomplishments (or lack there of) and so on. It’s easy to compare yourself when everyone’s life is available to you at the touch of a button via social media. I know these issues are common in society, but being honest about my flaws and being transparent has always been important for me to share.

Insecurity IS the lack of identity. We live insecure and fearful lives when we place our identity in the wrong places.

God’s will for us is to be confident and safe, not doubtful and confused.

Knowing who I am in Christ and understanding how He created me and how much He loves me is the key to understanding my worth. I am equally essential to the One who truly matters.

In Jimmy Evans’ sermon “How I Changed my Mind about Worry and Anxiety,” he states that the root to worry, anxiety, and fear is an “orphaned spirit.” The devil wants you to believe that you’re orphaned; he wants you to believe that you are on your own and have to solve your own problems. When you believe these lies, you become fearful, doubtful, and anxious. But when we believe the Lord loves us and adores us, we are accepting the peace of God.

He makes each of us so unique. He made ONE of each of us, and is so satisfied with His creation that He will never replicate us.

If we believe that He loves us based on our abilities, we will never be truly secure with who we are or our relationship with God.

If we rely on others to give us their approval and if we define ourselves based on other’s opinions of us then we will NEVER EVER get the approval we are longing for. We can chase that approval all of our lives, but will never achieve the feeling and approval that we can get from Christ.

You can ask anyone, I am so anxious and worrisome. I have always been that way, but when I recognize how much my fears are taking over my thoughts and my life then I start to focus on my time in prayer and reading the Word.

It’s a constant process though. I will never be perfect and will always have those temptations from the devil to believe that I need to do everything myself. And while it is always nice to get those sweet words and approval of others, I’m learning that I will always have the love and approval of the One who matters.

“Remember, the devil always fights the hardest when God is about to bless you and take you to another level. So hold on and meditate on the Scripture today: ‘So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.’ (Galatians 6:9)” -Pastor Naeem

Jimmy Evans “How to Change Your Mind About Worry and Anxiety